By: Zev (Ze/Zem).
I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant. I was in an abusive relationship, and unable to realize how bad of a situation I was in. I was by myself when I read the results of the home pregnancy test. I started to cry because I would have to tell my mom as she still had my health card. I told her with tears streaming down my face. She booked a doctor’s appointment for me and sat in on the appointment. I didn’t realize I was able to be by myself if I wanted to.
My doctor made me retake the test which hurt me even more. And when she came back in the room and said: “it’s positive,” I just shut down. I started to curl in on myself and not talk. My doctor ended up talking to my mom mostly. And the two of them decided that I would get an abortion.
I left that day with a number on a piece of paper. My mom made me call when I got home, and I had to sit in her room and call. She was still in the room.
The appointment was booked, and I was terrified. At this point I had talked to my boyfriend and he told me I made the right decision because I shouldn’t have the baby.
The day came and I went to the appointment with my mom and my friend. I had trouble getting in because I’m genderfluid and I had given my preferred name. Not the name on my health card. (They didn’t specify and for someone who’s mentally struggling, I did not think it mattered.) Finally I got in and was given a bunch of paperwork.
I finished all the paperwork, with my mom still sitting right beside me as I filled it out. They did a small evaluation, but it wasn’t enough. I was terrified. I had no idea what I was doing and while I was trying, I was confused and scared.
I had put on my paperwork that I was confused. But instead of asking what I was confused about, the lady asked if I was confused about the procedure. Not wanting to make a scene and feeling pressured by everyone in my life to go forward with this, I said yes. She explained in enough detail the procedure. Too much detail that I sat there scared. She gave me meds for pain and that was that.
The lady brought me back to the waiting room where I got changed into a dress so that they had easy access. I remember another lady walking in for a procedure. She smiled at me, and I remember thinking if she can do this I can do it.
I was then called into another room to be seen by the nurse before the procedure. I still remember the number. “6 weeks 2 days.” That number still sits in my head all this time later.
I was then brought into a room, almost like a surgical room, and placed on the table. It reeked of chemicals. The smell was so difficult to bear, and I just had to sit there and wait until the doctor came in. She was really nice and did her best to keep me calm. I remember her answering all my questions about her work and her career while she worked because I had told her I needed to talk through it. I was getting an IUD put in as well that day, so she did that and then left the room. I had seen the blood that she had taken out and it sat in my mind. It was scorched into my brain.
The nurse was told to check my placement of the IUD, which hurt because the external ultrasound didn’t work for my stomach, as I was pure muscle at the time.
She found it. And started walking me to the recovery room. I blacked out the second I left the room. They had to wheel me to the recovery room.
I woke up a while later in the recovery room. They were very concerned about me eating and drinking pop, which I don’t drink. I managed to convince them to let me just drink water and eat some crackers. I was extremely pale and had almost no colour in my face, so they made me stay an hour in recovery until there was colour back.
I left the recovery room and was able to go back to my mom and my friend where I went home.
I’m always nervous to tell people this story because I fear they will take it the wrong way. I do not want this story to be used as “this is why we shouldn’t allow it, people will be forced into it.” I don’t regret my choice to get an abortion. It was the right choice for me. However, I would have preferred if the medical system was able to improve the whole process. Better at telling young people their options, rather than choosing for them. Better at psychological evaluation to ensure that it is safe. Post-abortion check ups.
I was never checked up on after my abortion. That day was the worst day of my life. And I feel as though I lost someone so important to me. I still have issues with it to this day. I just celebrated my 4-year anniversary of this day. I now have amazing people in my life who love and support me through it.
By: Maya
I found out I was pregnant in the middle of a night shift. I had been feeling off and bought a test a few days before, but was too afraid to use it. I remember not knowing what to feel when I saw the positive test. Since I had been young I had thought I wanted children. I didn’t tell my partner until the next day. We talked a lot and though he often said it was completely my decision, I felt like we had to come to the same decision. After a day or two, we made the decision to terminate. I called the provincial self referral number, and set up my appointment without too much problem. They booked me so I could come in right after work, at 7 am. It was the height of the pandemic, so I had to do everything alone. I talked with the nurses there about which form of abortion would work best for me, and decided on a medical abortion as I was still quite early on, only about 6 weeks. It felt completely unreal that my whole appointment at the clinic consisted of some bloodwork and being given a prescription to fill at the hospital pharmacy, then I was sent home to deal with everything. Taking the pills was the easy part, though I wasn’t prepared for the level of pain I felt through the process. Physical and emotional. I felt a lot of guilt that I didn’t have a “good enough” reason to have an abortion. I was married, I had a supportive partner, a well-paying stable career, room in our home, I was great with kids, I love babies… The only reason I had was just that at that time, I felt like I didn’t want to be a mom. The relief I felt knowing it was over made me feel even guiltier. I know it was the right choice for myself, and my family, but I do still think about the what ifs sometimes. I don’t regret the decision at all, but my whole life I had been told that people get abortions because they’re too young, too poor, don’t have a good home life, or were assaulted. I was none of those things. No one ever told me sometimes people get abortions because they just aren’t ready for or don’t want a child and that’s just as valid as any other reason. I don’t think I would have struggled so much if anyone would have ever told me that.
By: Anonymous
I had an abortion in the spring of 2020 –at the height of the pandemic– and for many reasons, completed the entire process in secret. Looking back, it’s strange to think that at my most isolated, I was, at the same time, receiving the most care and compassion I had ever received –from the staff at the medical clinic. I later found out that the nurse who helped me had a four-hour daily commute to work at this clinic. It was because of her work and the work of these strangers that what could have been an extremely stressful procedure was instead quick, private, easy, and free.
I remain eternally grateful for this nurse and for all the healthcare workers who helped me. They made all the difference in this particularly difficult time in my life. And although I still hold this secret, I owe this pivotal moment and this story to them. It breaks my heart and makes me so angry that there are people who are unable to receive this kind of care.
