Written by: Annie Plotkin (she/her)
Edited by: Camille Zeitouni (she/her).
For as long as I could remember, one of my biggest fears was flipping over a pregnancy test and seeing those two little lines, and one night last February that fear became my reality.
I started taking the pill when I was 16 when I became sexually active for the first time. I was lucky to never have experienced any of the terrible side effects that so many women experience when on the pill. However, after reading and hearing so many horror stories about the pill, I decided to stop taking it just two years later. From that point on, my method of contraception was a mix of occasionally using condoms and mostly relying on probability. I thought the chances of getting pregnant were low so long as I used the “pull out method.” Looking back, I realize how truly naive and frankly uneducated I was about contraception, even as a woman getting a bachelor’s degree in biology.
After about three years of half-protected sex, I started dating my boyfriend in November of 2019. Naturally at the beginning we would use condoms, but after a few months we became careless. We both figured that since we were in a committed relationship, protection didn’t need to be our main concern and as long as we were somewhat conscious about pregnancy risks, we wouldn’t have any issues.
Fast forward to the end of January 2020; my period was six days late, which wasn’t too alarming on it’s own but was accompanied with severe nausea, and that was essentially all the confirmation I needed. On February 7th, I went to the pharmacy, picked up one of those scary little boxes and went home to pee on a stick. I set the timer for three minutes, but I think a part of me already knew what I was going to see when I turned it over. Sure enough there they were: two pretty pink lines confirming I was pregnant.
I set the timer for three minutes, but I think a part of me already knew what I was going to see when I turned it over.
To my own surprise, I didn’t have the reaction that I thought I would for all these years. I didn’t cry, I didn’t panic, I didn’t freak out… I felt calm and kind of relieved to know that there was an explanation for the sickness I was feeling over the past week. I’ve known for a while that I never want kids, especially not at 21 years old. This made my decision relatively easy; I was going to get an abortion. The only problem was I didn’t know how to go about it.
Getting an abortion is not something that was ever explained in school, by my doctor or by my parents. To my knowledge, no one I knew had ever gotten one so I felt like the only place I had to turn was the trusty Internet. I looked up abortion clinics in Montreal and took note of the first one I stumbled upon with a 5-star review. The most stressful part was not knowing when and how I would do this. It was Friday night so I had to wait until Monday morning to schedule an appointment. I didn’t know anything about the process, I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know anything really about where to go from there.
I didn’t know anything about the process, I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know anything really about where to go from there.
By the time I finally called the clinic on Monday morning, I had been throwing up non-stop for three days. I always knew morning sickness was a symptom of pregnancy, yet I want to point out that morning sickness is an extremely misleading term. In fact, I was sick constantly, and I stayed that way for a full two weeks until my appointment on February 19th. During the call, a nurse explained to me the two different types of abortions (the pill and an in-clinic abortion), she outlined the pros and cons of both, detailed the procedure for each one and sent me an information pamphlet to look over in order to make the most informed decision. She reassured me in so many ways that by the time I hung up I felt a little less nervous. I don’t think I would have felt as comfortable with my decision if the team at the clinic hadn’t reassured me every step of the way.
I decided to go with the in-clinic abortion because it made the most sense for me given the timing and potential side effects. I was terrified. I’m not the type of person who tolerates pain very well – despite having fifteen tattoos – so I was an anxious wreck thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong or happen to me during the procedure. I also made the decision to have the IUD inserted at the same time to ensure I never ended up back in this situation again. This added another layer of stress I felt before my appointment because of all the stories my friends told me about their extremely painful insertions. My boyfriend at the time and my best friend accompanied me throughout the whole process. I am grateful to have had their support because going through this alone was unimaginable.
The nurse held my hand the entire procedure, which was short and painless.
The entire appointment process took about three hours, but the actual abortion and IUD insertion took only ten minutes. Most of the appointment involved having the nurses and the doctor explain every step of the procedure and assure me that everything would be okay. I remember feeling so lucky to have found this clinic full of people who were so empathetic and reassuring. The nurse held my hand the entire procedure, which was short and painless. To be quite honest, I don’t remember much as I was given a lot of drugs, but afterwards I felt good, mentally and physically. I was surprised that I didn’t experience any pain, even with the IUD insertion.
It’s been a year since my abortion and I still feel 100% confident with my choice. I’m open about having gone through this and always tell people that should this ever happen, it is nothing to be worried about. Having information about the abortion process readily available to people instead of only having it explained during the worst case scenario is important. I went into this blind, not really knowing how it would turn out. Although everything went smoothly, I look back and wish I was more aware of the process beforehand as this would have alleviated my nerves. I am so grateful for the support I received from the staff at the Montreal Women’s Health Center. Without it, this process would have been much more difficult. I look at the overall experience as a bit of an ironic learning lesson; I never would have gotten the IUD put in to protect me from unwanted pregnancies had I not gone through an unwanted pregnancy. I think everything happens for a reason; those two little lines that I had always been so scared of turned out to be the blessing in disguise I needed to make the smarter choice.
